Warning* Extreme Salamandar video

Speed Dating 101

The library is a scary place, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The University Cafe situated right beside the library is far more entertaining, not to mention the most likely place to find a date. Library studiers are always thirsty for coffee, and conversation-with anything. I sit, watching a student who I will soon know as Mike as he sips his frappucino (over)enthusiastically on the couches alone. His eyes are really wide, like Mr. Burns as an Alien. Mike didn't used to be a close talker, but he recently went through library rehab entailing really scary rooms that are lit just like the Saw movies where you do nothing but read textbooks for hours. When Mike emerged from the catacombs he just really wanted someone to talk to about his Islam mother and what he thought of 16 year old girls. One minute I'm staring across the room wondering if the poor kid is Jewish or not and the next minute he is a close talking machine. It's a crazy world out there, keep your friends close, but keep your pets closer.

Sassafraz is dead

Edward Norton, save me! *gulp* Help me! I'm drowning! EDWARD NORTON! HELP ME! Roll up the Rim season is OVER!
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Freddy mercury called...

...He wants his vibe back.
Hey! All you unceasingly good looking men out there... quit using your facial hair to wean us into your tight iron like grips of boring mustache hell. Do you have any idea what this means? You might as well roofie me. I'm in a loud bar and I have no interest in having you hold me in your arms as I gaze from your eyes to your upper lip and back and the next thing I know I'm letting you tell me about this band Cut Copy for the 17th time and really liking it. If it wasn't for your mustached face I would not be here. It's so unfair. You're on the subway mocking me and you're Nick Lachey and you're my dad and you're mocking me. It's sick and it's weird and stop it.

I went away for a couple weeks and came back and my dogs were acting really weird

Damien Rice acoustic set

Hey! Screw you! She HATES pickles!

I will not smile

For someone who spends most of their time laughing at things, I get told to 'smile!' way to often. Homeless people tell me to smile on average 5-7 times a week. I don't know what it is. I myself get mistaken for a homeless person fairly often, but I don't think that's it. I walk around a lot, especially around Tim Hortons and convenient and comfortable alleyways, but it's beyond that. I could be sprinting, running away from the giant robot from the 'Intergalactic' video, and that bum would still make sure to stop me only to get my attention so I could smile. In fact, I get asked for smiles more than I get asked for change/miscellaneous things homeless people would want. This one guy on Queen St sees me coming, and changes his cardboard sign to say "smile!". The guy who thinks he is hilarious because he dresses like Santa year-round that holds the sign saying "my sleigh broke down"-he asks me for change, I say no, and then before I can walk away says "what about a smile?". You smell, Santa. Large men who dress like Santa in the spring do not make me want to smile. I was so relieved to find a babbling woman in a velvet cloak pacing outside my Tim Hortons today, replacing the usual terrifying psychotic man that sits outside and unpredictably screeches. When I stepped outside the door with my coffee, I stopped, and the woman in the cloak and I set eyes on each other and had a moment. She didn't ask for change or a smile, but I smiled anyway.
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Today was sunny and I didn't get bullied. The only thing, that could, by definition, define today, is this.

Cat highlights

There is a funny cat epidemic infecting the internet lately. Cats are the perfect creatures to make fun of because they might be Aliens, plus they are oblivious to us making fun of them because they're to caught up in trying to give you a boner by walking past your leg, erotically brushing your skin and then standing there staring at you. Making fun of cats is so contagious that youtube has been bombarded with funny cat videos, coincidentally the funniest ones are now harder to find. Don't worry I've already done the research on this.

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" Hi all.

May I please ask that whoever goes into my desk and takes candy and
chocolate stops doing that.

If you want, just ask, and I will 99% of the time say yes, unless I need it
for something, which on occasion I do. For instance, the (now) empty case
of Sour Skittles.

Thank you,
d."

Get busy

"Let me ask you something here Kevin. You say you can make ANY funny face in the world, is that true?"
"I don't know, you tell me!"


More importatly........
once someone told me that the Beastie Boys were better than the Roots. Yes. I nodded. I would rather listen to the Beastie Boys any day above wearing a roots sweatsuit, also, I'm not Jewish, but that's not important. Anyway, it turns out the person was referring to the Legendary Roots Crew. Go figure. Although his argument was kind of convincing, it was still an idiotic statement. Like saying, "I like drinking barf more than I like drinking water". There might be some validity in a statement like that, but not likely.

Check out questloves expression

Theme week

If you haven't already heard-it's theme week here on my new blog. The theme is my friends who have worse lives than you. Today we have a guest contribution from someone who would rather remain anonymous because he can't bear to hear his own name out loud.

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Today I accomplished a lot. After waking up naturally, as in no alarms, around noon, I lay in bed and scratched my body. "Ughh, what time is it?" I wondered aloud before picking my nose for what could have been upwards of 7 minutes. Once my nostrils were clear I rose and ate just enough cereal to give me the energy I need to play video games. You see I recently decided at the age of nearly 26 to recommit myself to video games. It seemed to me like something was missing from my life and I realized that it was 1st person shooters. My main problem is that I only have a 1st gen XBOX so I'm now saving up GST cheques and all of my coins in a high yield interest savings account with ING Direct and arranging for payback extensions for all the money I owe my friends and family with the hope that I can afford a Playstation 3 before I beat Halo on Legendary mode. I'd prefer to not have to wait much longer because I really don't like down time. Later that evening I found myself somewhere on the Danforth, and I was hungry. I went into a store and purchased a gyro. The grey haired greek man behind the counter began speaking to me but I couldn't understand him. I think he was talking about the Olympic torch but I can't be sure. His accent was very thick. I bid him an awkward farewell before returning moments later because I forget my drink and then almost got hit by a car jay walking across the street to the subway. I stood in front of Chester station eating the Gyro without noticing that the oil was dripping all over my sweater. When I returned home I had a headache and a messy room. I chose not to take pain killers or tidy up and instead lay on my bed watching Double Team starring Jean Claude Van Damme and Dennis Rodman.

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Here is an msn conversation with my good friend Matt Ortved

I LOVE DOUCHES says:
Matt if we dated would you cheat on me?
Ya Basta says:
if a hot chick wanted to fuck me
Ya Basta says:
yes, definitely
Ya Basta says:
were so young
I LOVE DOUCHES says:
But what if I killed myself afterwards?
Ya Basta says:
fuck love
Ya Basta says:
then i would feel semi bad
Ya Basta says:
but i would think your crazy for killing yourself over me
Ya Basta says:
cause you should have known better

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Alright folks, hope that made you feel better about your lives.

Here is an update on Yossi Fishers facebook status :
"Yossi says fuck the McRib, when is McDonalds bringing Pizza back?!"

*sigh*