Just like your parents...

They love each other...but you never have to worry about seeing them have sex!

"How to Confuse and Crush Children's Dreams"; a perplexing new thought by: Perez Hilton and other, less popular media sources.

If there's any lesson Jim Gordons son screamed to us, it's that he did nothing wrong. It's confusing as is. He was white, and now he is Dark, but he did nothing wrong! Meanwhile, your leaving the theatre agreeing on how stupid white knights are...

And then SLAP! Your ONLY will to live, your one source of genuine hope, is a drunk abusive husband. You assholes! Can you not just keep this one on the down low? Here, instead, why don't you just give me this winning lottery ticket, and steal it back while I'm sleeping and dreaming about all the puppies I'm going to buy with it.

Nas changed his new album name from "Nigger" to "Nas". I know this because I read hip hop forums sometimes, and for good reason. The number of black people who are pissed off about this is way more epic than any white people outroar by, oh let's say a Peter Funk album name change. This is why Black People music is better than white people music. And why we capitalize the word Black People.

Welcome to the sweatshop!

Sexual Seduction was playing and it was nicely remixed and everyone was really impressed and then it just .......stopped. I don't think Flasstradamus meant to piss us off, because it was really hot, so hot that maybe they forgot to keep playing the song after that. Vancouver might have better beaches than everywhere else in the world, but their downstairs secret sauna rooms are boring and god damn hot. Hot as in hot. Steam rooms are the new hot. I'm all...ah! Sweatshop is not just a clever name! It's literally a sweatshop! Everyone is struggling to shrug their shoulders and give each other that "whatever" look. It's obviously a sweatshop, what did you expect. I make a Holocaust joke and no one laughs and I know it's just because there is condensation dripping from the ceiling. Look around! The $20 cover demanded at the door is for a good reason! Your mascara could RUN! You could BE someone at the sweatshop!. Meanwhile the washroom crew is splashing toilet water on their faces and holding each others hair back. Anything other than the sweatshop makes about as much sense as moving out of your parents house.

You'll find a new york city cop someday, Lapdance me, right?

Several birds were taken down today by a stone fallen from indie heaven. Watch out hoodinternet.com! Pharrell just might of nagged this summers most confusing mash up hit. This chaotic single is hard to overlook, considering it flashes three of the trendiest (and clashing) sounds in all of hipsterville. Luckily this song isn't good, otherwise someone somewhere would have the impossible job of entering this genre of hodgepodge inter-racial bantar into Itunes.


Produced By Pharrell - Santogold, Julian Casablancas, N.E.R.D.

Mornings, let's face them together

We'd like to....help you pick them up again. Take a minute. Sit down. Face a bowl of...Kellog's Corn Flakes. Know they won't feel heavy. Know they won't be stuffy. Know they're actually good for you because they were invented for exactly that reason. And when you're finished knowing all that, it just might make morning a little easier to face. Wouldn't that be nice?